All posts tagged Stories

  • Legenden von Fledermausmann

    Let’s talk about Europe.

    I’ve actually been to Europe on several occasions. “Oh, you lucky dog!” people say. “Why on earth are you complaining about going to Europe? I’d love to go to Europe!” Well I’ll tell you why… Because in each and every case, I was traveling with my family, and as previously reported this is a really intolerable set of conditions.

    Here’s an example. While we were in Germany in some random town, we got off the train (Since it was the end of the line and didn’t go any further) and set out to find a hotel. There was a hotel next to the train station, but it was fairly classy and cost a fortune. So my dad figured that cheaper hotels would be within about a block of the train station.

    So with a metric ton of luggage between the four of us, we started wandering away from the train station, and each hotel we passed was too expensive looking for us, so my dad just kept saying “one more block.”

    Read more

  • We Have This Thing Called Voice Mail Now

    I don’t own a car.

    I used to own a car. Sorta. Actually I just had my dad’s old ’90 VW Passat after he bought a new car, but I pretty much only had that for my senior year in high school. After that, it was off to college, and the cost of bringing the car along was just too cost prohibitive. The insurance would go up, you had to pay an obscene amount of money to have a parking space on campus, and gas prices in Southern California lean towards the steep side. So it was decided that the car would stay home.

    Or, to use my dad’s exact phrasing, “Learn to get where you’re going by walking, kiddo.”

    Read more

  • Theatrics

    Here’s the thing about seeing movies in Santa Barbara… All of the theaters are owned by only one company, and the majority of them are within 5 blocks of one another downtown.

    You had the Arlington, which was this one gigantic theater that doubled as the local stage house. The only movies they showed were the really huge expected blockbusters, like Star Wars and The Matrix. Actually it was pretty cool inside, with faux Spanish mission architecture on the walls and stars twinkling on the ceiling.

    You had the Fiesta 5, which was your general run of the mill movie theater, had the usual fare of romantic comedies and family movies and whatnot. The inside was a dump though. The insides of all of them were dumps. Why bother to spend money to spruce up the interior when you’ve got no competition?

    Read more

  • Wait For It…

    The message board I originally posted all these on was a Transformers message board.  This next one is best read with some knowledge of Transformers toy lines in the early aughts,  but the key take away is that there was a subline of Transformers called Alternators that were 1:24 scale licensed vehicles that were hellishly difficult to transform.

    I haven’t done a toy review of any sort in forever. And I always liked doing them, and I’m really liking Alternator Smokescreen, so I decided to make him the topic of my glorious return to reviewing.

    Yes, I know he’s already been reviewed by numerous people for many months, but to them I say: Screw you! It’s Mike’s time to shine, damn it!

    Read more

  • Suit Up

    Ever since I was twelve, all I really wanted was a trench coat. I don’t think it was that unreasonable a request, but my parents seemed to be opposed to it for no other reason than because they could be. I mean it’s not like back in ’92 there was any sort of stigma attached to a trench coat, short of, you know, flashers and Colombo and stuff.

    Maybe they just didn’t like Colombo.

    Read more